Finding your own path
What, and more importantly, who, do you want to be when you grow up?
I mean who do you want to be, not what or who other people think you should be, not what everyone else is selfie-ing and #ing all over social media, but you.
I’ve had a lot of conversations recently where people are feeling very lost. Apparently this year over 55% of people are actively changing jobs and lifestyles, and another 27% more want to make a change but simply don’t know what they want to do with their lives. Not knowing can be an overwhelming place to be, and it’s something that comes up in coaching conversations a lot these days.
So many of us allow our ambitions to be shaped by what we’re told we should aspire to. All of us, actually, until we have to face into the growth that comes with finding out what really matters to us. Often (sadly) that realisation comes when something tragic happens, whether that be death, divorce, a global pandemic that confined us to our homes and zoom for weeks on end…something that deeply challenges our sense of identity and our ‘why’.
It’s part of human nature to bumble along and not notice that time is passing, but if we don’t stop and pay attention we risk living lives of someone else’s unwitting design. Before it comes to that, it’s worth working out what really matters to you. It doesn’t have to be a massive change, you don’t have to share it, you don’t even have to say it out loud, but you’re likely to be a happier, more fulfilled human if you live it.
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”
Baselining your aspirations
If you don’t know where to start, here’s a quick exercise to get your thinking going. Make a cup of tea (or similar), find somewhere quiet, take a piece of paper and write down the answers to the following questions:
Think back to the last time you were truly, uninhibitedly, belly laugh or totally engrossed happy – what were you doing? Who were you with?
Think back to when you were young – what did you enjoy doing before everyone started putting rules around what was cool (and what was most definitely not)?
If money was no issue, what would you spend your days doing?
If you only had a year to live, what would you do with your time?
What would you want someone to say when reading your eulogy?
The reality is we don’t know how long any of us have. We ascribe far too much importance to what others think of us, when actually they’re far too busy judging themselves to be worried about us. Harsh but true. It’s totally natural, but in this day and age why waste a moment of our time seeking external validation? We can’t control it, it’s always elusive, and we never feel ‘enough’. No-one else can know what deep down, we know – what we’re here to bring, to care about, to do.
Only you know what you need to feel truly fulfilled, and who you need to be to get there. Only you get to decide who and what you want to be when you grow up. Go do it.
Life is short. Until next time take care, stay safe and be kind 🙌
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